Friends Only

Incase you didn't get the memo:

Thanks to some people (mainly Amanda and Heather) this journal is officially friends only (not that I have a lot anyway).

Good luck if you want to be added.

With friends like this you don't need best friends

Today was the first day of no high school, and frankly I like it a lot better than going to school. But, Saturday wasn't too hot of a day for me.

First, I was really bored when I woke up (which was like at 7:00.. grrr), so I gave CJ a call. I know, I said I would wait, but I really wanted to hang out with her and clear up this whole mess we had. When she picked up I yelled "CJ!!!!" (We have this special greeting where we yell into the phone as loud as we can - hehe). Normally, she is supposed to say the obvious, you know "SULFUR!!". My name doesn't sound as cool when it's yelled, but that's not the point of the game. But, instead of saying anything like that, she got really snotty and said, "It's, like, 7:30. People are trying to sleep." Hiss. That was hurtful. And what was her problem, she had to get up an hour earlier just to catch the bus for her school.
"Oops.." I said in a lower voice, "Sorry. So anyway, wanna do something today?"
See, I tried to be happy and optimistic. I thought that would work, and CJ would agree.
"Nope, I can't." she said, and she didn't sound that depressed either, "I'm going to hang out with some other people."

Okay. That really hurt. Other people? Geez. Thanks for making me feel like total unwanted crap. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know exactly how to put what I was feeling into words. So, I pretty much choked back the tears and said, "Cool. Whatever. Bye." and then I hung up. Seriously, it's been three days already and CJ's already found new, more important people to hang out with. No wonder she doesn't want to do anything with me. Why hang out with boring Sulfur, when you can hang out with cooler high schoolers?

That got me really mad. And, when I'm really mad, I have to get out of the house (I don't get it either!). So, I got my mom to drive me to the mall. Yes, I went to the mall all by myself. I couldn't remember the last time I did something like that, since I always went with there with CJ. And, I just walked around for a bit. I didn't have much money, so I didn't buy anything. But, I did run into one of my other old friends from middle school- Layla. We talked for a little while, but she was with her sister or something, so we didn't talk for long. I was almost ready to burst out the whole problem I was having with CJ, but by then I wasn't as mad as I was before. And, I don't really know Layla that well, so I didn't want to seem like I was dumping my problems on her.

So, the mall was fun, but it would have been cooler with CJ. You know what, next week I think I'll invite Danielle to the mall and the other people that _I'VE_ been hanging out with at lunch. Then, if CJ wants to do something, well then too bad. I have friends too!

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    annoyed annoyed

Uh.. the pencil sharpener. Yeah, that's it.

Today was the 3rd and finally day before a weekend break. Woohoo! You gotta love how school starts on a wednesday.

Hmm.. what happened today that was interesting? My government teacher yelled at me! Yes, that's right. After the 3rd day, he already found someone to take his anger out on. He was making a lecture on something or other, and I had to go to the bathroom. Since this is high school, and we're mature, and I figured he didn't want me to interrupt whatever he was talking about, I could just get up and go without asking. So that's just what I did. Right before I walk out the door I hear "Come back here, young lady!". I turned around, and there he was with one of those evil teacher looks, and he had the whole class watching. "Where do you think you're going?" he asked in this really snotty, nasty voice. I did not know what to say. I was going to tell the truth, but everybody was looking at me! I didn't need to be the butt of any long term jokes. But, I had to think quick since I was obviously going somewhere. I quickly glanced around the room and found a pencil sharpener! I said, "I was just going to sharpen my pencil". He seemed to buy it, since he said, "Alright, but next time I prefer if you would ask me first."

So it wasn't really yelling, but I was really scared at first. I thought he was going to send me to detention.

The worst part was I think that Mike (yes, that is his name for sure!) was watching me. Who could blame him? The rest of the class was. He seemed kind of amused, though. Like he found it all to be funny. GOD I WANT TO TALK TO HIM SO BADLY! Why can't he just talk to me? Is that so hard?? Please, Mike, talk to me! Okay, I need to stop.

I was almost ready to ask Danielle about Mike, but she just babbled on (and on and on) about her boyfriend and everything that he does. It's like she lives her life thru her boyfriend's. Really bizarre. I'll ask her on Monday.

I want to call CJ, but at the same time I don't want something to happen like it did on Wednesday. The more I think about it, the more I don't understand what her problem was. Oh well, maybe I'm just overreacting. Maybe I'll call her on Saturday and make plans for the weekend.

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    indifferent indifferent


I was so surprised I made it through the first day yesterday. The second was pretty much just sitting down and listening to whatever the teachers had to tell you. None of the teachers gave us any really bad homework assignments, but a few assigned textbooks and gave us unneccessary homework.

Lunch was actually the highlight of my school day. I sat with Danielle, and a few of other girls that she's met already. Danielle seems to be quite friendly, and she managed to get all these other lonely girls with no friends to hang out together. Kind of like our own little clique. We mostly just talked about how our friends deserted us for "the magnet programs". That was nice to be able to relate with other people.

And, oh yes, that guy in my Government class looked at me again. (I think his name is Mike). Well, actually I think he was looking at the girl next to me. But, he did smile when he looked in my direction, and that was enough to perk me up for the whole day. I really hope I had enough guts to just go up there and talk to him, but I don't. I don't know what to say and I don't know if I could handle screwing up. I was considering asking Danielle, since she has a boyfriend and she would know about all those things, right?

Oh yes, I also called CJ. It was neat to talk with her on the phone, she's still as cool as always. But, when I talked to her it seemed as though she didn't really miss me at all.
"It's so lonely without you, CJ. I miss all our good times on the bus and all those jokes we used to have!"
"Yeah," CJ said, "It sucks. But I'm having a great time here at Ridgeview. I'm already in the Photography club. Neat, huh?"
"How cool, CJ. Just think, if you were here we could be in the photography club together. And we could take all sorts of wacky pictures."
"Um.. the photography club isn't just about taking pictures. We discuss other photographs and talk about art in general. Not just take pictures."
After she said this, she sounded like what I said was something really hurtful. The conversation seemed so distant, and by the time we hung up it was like she was mad at me. I only said the photography comment because I thought we could pretend to share something in common, since we're losing a lot of the same interests. Maybe she's just having a hard time adapting to her new high school life. Or maybe she was just having a bad day..

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    confused confused

The .. First Day.

Yes, today was my first day of high school. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it certainly isn't as much fun as middle school would be.

I woke up today at 6:00. I'm sorry, but I just can not get up at 5:30 everyday, even if it means sacrificing my shower. I managed to catch the bus at 6:30, and when I got on it was really different. The middle school busses were always so lively, but this one was so dead. Everybody else was sleeping or whispering, mostly sleeping. The bus lights were off too, and I was afraid the driver would fall asleep any time. I found an empty seat, sat down, and rested my head against the window.

We finally got to Parkside, and everyone had to drag themselves off the bus. When I got off, I wandered around for several minutes hoping to find someone I knew. No luck. I saw people from my middle school, but I couldn't remember their names, and it was so dark outside they probably didn't even see me. I found my homeroom, took a seat, and pretended to listen while the teacher went on about how "this was a new experience for all of us" and "this and that matters". Then, she dismissed us, and we went to follow our schedule.

High school is just like middle school, only bigger. The classes were really easy to find. It didn't take me long to find my 1st period, and when I did, the classroom didn't look much different than the ones at middle school. I found a seat in the back, and watched as the classroom filled with other lost freshman. This one girl I didn't really know, took a seat next to me, and we got to talking.
"Oh my gosh I'm so scared!" she said.
"Yeah, it's all new." I said, not really knowing what to say.
"Tell me about it," she replied, "I knew sooo many people back at my old middle school. Here, it is like - no one! Not a soul. All my friends went elsewhere, and now I'm stuck here."
"I know what you mean," I agreed, "My best friend is over at some magnet program. She's even zoned for this school."
"Ouch." she said sympathetically, "That happened to me in middle school. But, my boyfriend tells me I'll get over it. He's in 11th, you know."
"Oh." I said, not really knowing what else to say.
"Don't you have a boyfriend?" she asked.
"No, not really." I responded. I didn't want to go into the details of how I've NEVER had a boyfriend. I figured I would just pretend as though I've had one before, I was just currently playing the single route.
"Haha!" she laughed, "Aren't you lucky? There are lots of cute boys here. Sometimes I wish I was single, so I could grab one up. How about that guy over there?"
She pointed to this one guy wearing a dark red shirt, hair gelled back. Suddenly, he turned around, and we made eye contact. Whoa. He actually wasn't that bad, and for some reason, I guess I started blushing.
"It's okay," she said, "I'm sure he didn't see that part."
We talked for a little longer before class, and I got to know Danielle (that's her name) a little better. Before I knew it, class was over.

That was pretty much the highlight of my day. I had two other classes with Danielle, and that one boy was in my Government class. But, I tried not to think about him, considering I know how I act around guys.

The bus ride home was nothing special. At least people were a bit more awake. But, it still wasn't the same without CJ. I think I'll call her and find out how her first day went. I hope she misses me.

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    hopeful hopeful

Four Reasons High School Will Suck

This bites. For some reason, summer vacation went by too fast, and now I'm here anxiously NOT awaiting the 1st day of high school. There are so many things that are gonna happen this year that make it even worse.

ONE. My all time best friend CJ will not be there. For those of you not familiar with CJ, she is the coolest girl I've ever known. Last year in 8th grade, on the bus, we had some of the coolest times together. She is one of those wacky people who is always up for anything. But now, she decides to leave me for a silly magnet program. I know, I should be happy for her, but for some strange reason I just can't stop thinking about how I won't have CJ to talk to on the way home.

TWO. No one else that I knew in middle school is going to Parkside. Everyone at high school will probably already know everyone else, so once again I will be a loner.

THREE. I have to get up at a ridiculous time every single day. In middle school, I could sleep till 8:00. And, I still had time to eat breakfast, take a shower, and do all those important things without rushing myself. Now, I have to get up at 5:30! I always go to bed at 12:00, and I'm going to be so tired!

FOUR. One girl I do know, Miranda, will be going to Riverside. Miranda hates me, and I pretty much feel the same way about her. She'll find some way to use my little no-friends issue, and turn it into something really humiliating. I hope I don't have any classes with her.

That's all for now. I'll let you know what happens afterwards.

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    discontent discontent